Take me away from here
3:20 a.m. - 2003-07-10

Kylean is in Recovery. It puts things into perspective for me. I just dont understand it. Nothing makes sense anymore. Her ED is bad though...but its in my head that what if that happens to me, what if i cant stop or control it?

Then I have them IMing me...at a time like this Jesus.

I know i said things i shouldnt have, cant take it back. Just leave me alone. God. Nikki is trying to make me feel better, so is Dana and Jaylee...once i let Lexi know whats up with Kylean, she'll be there for me. Im such a mess right now...nobody understand it but my ana sisters... Im just gonna go away for awhile. See if it matters. I know i matter to nobody. Im such a fuck-up in life. I screw up everything, and dont deserve to even be here. If i just leave; stay away not talk to anyone...maybe they'll forget about me...maybe i can just fade away...thats what i want now...just to fade the fuck away.

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I believe in love, in arguing, in jamming out by yourself in the car. I believe in smiling till your cheeks hurt and laughing until you cry. I believe in having someone tell you you're beautiful, dancing in the rain, and miracles. I believe in second chances, even if you've completely screwed up. I understand that everything happens for a reason, and I embrace it. I respect those who treat me right, and ignore the ones who don't. I dress the way I want to, and say what is on my mind... if you have a problem with that, then don't talk to me.

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