Waiting
6:43 p.m. - 2003-02-16

Dear diary,

Why am I so afraid? I have never cried like that before...and that scares me. How can I feel what I feel for him? Is this normal? I can picture myself being with him, and I have never ever felt that way before. He wants the same things I want...he is not like all the other guys...he does not want to go clubbing every night, he does not drink, or do drugs. He wants to meet a good girl, fall in love and settle down...I want all of that...but most of all i want him. I cried myself to sleep last night...I just know he is not going to like me. And why do I want to open myself up to that rejection again. I am going to see him on Friday, I cant wait. But then again not meeting is very safe...and im scared. For one time in my life this is something that I cant control...but i want to so bad. And i want this to work out...for one time i think that i deserve this...i have been waiting so long for this. But I know that it will not work out...because it never has. And I need this now more then i ever did...

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I believe in love, in arguing, in jamming out by yourself in the car. I believe in smiling till your cheeks hurt and laughing until you cry. I believe in having someone tell you you're beautiful, dancing in the rain, and miracles. I believe in second chances, even if you've completely screwed up. I understand that everything happens for a reason, and I embrace it. I respect those who treat me right, and ignore the ones who don't. I dress the way I want to, and say what is on my mind... if you have a problem with that, then don't talk to me.

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