soulsearching

Okay as if I dont feel like im slowly becoming sexually frustrated and turning into a slut day by day, this has to happen.

Im always at the welcome center at bcc...and I like to "guy watch" while im there and I always see the same hot guy that I know there is no way in hell that I would ever have a shot with ...I mean im not ugly but im not americas idea of the perfect girl. So I guess it was always a wish that I kept in the back of my mind that something would happen...

Im never going to wish again.

He so happens to sit right in front of me today ( like there werent at least 25 or more seats open for him to sit, but thats besides the point) and I was like OMG OMG hes so hot, I hope he talks to me. Well he did and now I find myself walking the halls with some guy that I have been crushing on for ahwile and I dont even know his name. So we stop and sit at a bench he starts to tickle me...this all makes no sense...I find out we wrestles for the college, and is a model in NY...........................

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLOOOO

a MODEL?

Don't even ask whats going through my head at the moment now because im in another world....ok...lemme take a time out to tell you im not the "ideal girl" (lol Tara) seriously im not that thin...this guy can do so much better...I need to lose weight the only thing looks wise I have going for me are my legs b/c im so tall, my boobs b/c there so damn huge, and my face b/c it has been called "pretty"...but I dont believe the last one...so you see how I feel none of this makes sense...ok back to the story...

So after I call Tara after having my ever so needed cig she says shes coming asap....when she gets there the look on her face is priceless....because he is all over me....no joke...

and she knows how I am...im not like that at all....turns out he wants to kiss me.....

hold the fucking presses....god I dont even know what I can say to make that statement any better....this hot model wants to kiss me? Well im sure you want to know what I did...and the answer is, no I did not kiss him. I dont know him at all...(hello I met him today) and plus im not going to go around just kissing any guy I meet...and I have learned that if it turns them off, then its better that way b/c there only after one thing (and you know who you are...**cough** Mike and Ryan)

anyway he wants me to call him...and I will after an ever so called for post prep convo with Tara...so who knows...I dont want to date him..hes outta my league...and Tara says not to go for it...anyway food is getting to me...I dont know what to do anymore...I tried to uke at bcc....yeah I know....its sad really...I dont want to talk about it...Im just confused none of this is supposed to happen to me...I dont want it to...damn...

"You think you have matered it, but as you get well underway in following, it turns a back-somersault and there you are. It slaps you in the face, knocks you down, and tramples upon you, its like a bad dream."

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The Girl

I believe in love, in arguing, in jamming out by yourself in the car. I believe in smiling till your cheeks hurt and laughing until you cry. I believe in having someone tell you you're beautiful, dancing in the rain, and miracles. I believe in second chances, even if you've completely screwed up. I understand that everything happens for a reason, and I embrace it. I respect those who treat me right, and ignore the ones who don't. I dress the way I want to, and say what is on my mind... if you have a problem with that, then don't talk to me.

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Friends.Long drives.Coffee.Parliment Light 100's.Red lipstick.My hotpink flats.Funky hair.Piercings.Tattoo's. Html.

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The current mood of emogrl445 at www.imood.com