soulsearching

Dearest Diary,

I have come to a breaking point in my life. I am so tired with having to deal with relationships. I have made the dicesion that I want to take some time for myself, and stop worrying about pleasing guys. Even though I have met John, that does not matter. I need to learn what it is like to just have guys as friends and not at other things. I am most sure that he does not want anything from me other than a friendship...if he didn't he would be acting differently.

The one thing I hate about the whole thing is the simple fact that I had broken this promise. The whole thing about being alone for awhile was something that I had decided 3 weeks ago...then he comes into me life. I thought to myself..."this is actually a great guy, I didn't think they existed."

We had a great time when we went out to lunch...I couldn't stop looking into his eyes...I felt that every time I did, I lost a peice of myself...and I hated myself for doing this...

"What ever happened to my promise?" I found the little white angel on my right shoulder telling me.

But a funny thing happened, there was no little red devil on the other shoulder to disagree. Maybe this is just a test...

so i dried my tears, threw away my Ben & Jerrys in the trash, and found myself with a new outlook. i am not going to be the one that is going to go after a guy. I have come to a plave in my life where I never thought I would have traveled. Im happy and feeling complete without a relationship, without a date, without the rest of my heart. I never thought it could be possible to be happy being happily alone.

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The Girl

I believe in love, in arguing, in jamming out by yourself in the car. I believe in smiling till your cheeks hurt and laughing until you cry. I believe in having someone tell you you're beautiful, dancing in the rain, and miracles. I believe in second chances, even if you've completely screwed up. I understand that everything happens for a reason, and I embrace it. I respect those who treat me right, and ignore the ones who don't. I dress the way I want to, and say what is on my mind... if you have a problem with that, then don't talk to me.

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Friends.Long drives.Coffee.Parliment Light 100's.Red lipstick.My hotpink flats.Funky hair.Piercings.Tattoo's. Html.

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Users.Cheaters.Fakes. Limabeans. Politics.Spiders.

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The current mood of emogrl445 at www.imood.com