soulsearching

I really must choose my words more wisely or at least learn to make myself clear. My remarks last night werent ment at anyone in particular. I was just upset i really am starting to despise NJ and all its residents. Of course in no way do i mean Amanda. At this moment in time i hate everyone besides her...i mean i could never say those things about my best friend....wether im mad or what have you. I was so upset last night that i ignored all my calls and told everyone online that i cannot talk. I wasnt in the right state of mind last night. Everything is eating me up inside. I look at Paul and he has no idea what im about to do. He cares about me alot and i see that. But how can you make yourself feel something for someone? You cant. And I cant live with this anymore. Im about to hurt someone again. I do it all the time, and im realizing im no good. Look what i have done to others.

I hurt Anthony, i have hurt Tara, and there are too many to name but they are mostly guys....

Thats why i should go...maybe i wont hurt anyone in TN...

I owe Amanda an apology although i ment norhing to come out the way you took it i still am sorry...im not nor was i ever mad at you, if your mad at me thats fine, if you dont want to talk to me forawhile thats fine, but please dont hate me....i really cant handle you hating me now...although you could join the many others who do.....

Off to read some shit for Comp 1... but today i shall belnd in with the class and just wait for it to end...i cant think of anything else then how much i want to go away...its my favorite class by far...but im on the verge of tears, so before any of my fellow Bergen peers witness the down pour i shall go....im sorry again....and i would hate me too if i was you.

<< || >>

New
Old
Profile

Email
Aim
Notes

Design
Diaryland

Extras
My Obsession
My Rants
My Fanlistings
Myspace

The Girl

I believe in love, in arguing, in jamming out by yourself in the car. I believe in smiling till your cheeks hurt and laughing until you cry. I believe in having someone tell you you're beautiful, dancing in the rain, and miracles. I believe in second chances, even if you've completely screwed up. I understand that everything happens for a reason, and I embrace it. I respect those who treat me right, and ignore the ones who don't. I dress the way I want to, and say what is on my mind... if you have a problem with that, then don't talk to me.

Loves

Friends.Long drives.Coffee.Parliment Light 100's.Red lipstick.My hotpink flats.Funky hair.Piercings.Tattoo's. Html.

Hates

Users.Cheaters.Fakes. Limabeans. Politics.Spiders.

feeling:
The current mood of emogrl445 at www.imood.com